I posted this yesterday, then removed it cause I was waffling. but I'm forging ahead...
hey all. I'm joining this OAR thing too, and like those before me I will share my weight, my woes and my goals. I'm 32, 5'3½" and, at my heaviest back in 2000, I weighed 185. at my lightest, which was in 2005, I weighed 135. I looked good dammit. I had never been that thin in my life and I loved it. 135 seems heavy for my height but I am muscular and heavy chested so it looked perfect on me. I'll try to find some old good pictures sometime that didn't get demolished on my broken hard drive from a couple of years back. it would probably help motivate me.
in the last couple of years, I have gained 30 pounds back and I am 165 again. it's depressing. but here's the thing... it's something I have wanted to mention on my personal blog before, but have always hesitated about. it's why I've gained 30 pounds. it's because of drinking. lack of physical activity doesn't help, but I consider that part and parcel to being a drunk and a smoker.
I know halli knows this about me, as does jamie. I don't know which others of you have either heard/seen me remark about it or have picked up on it. but it's a major problem. and steve is in the same boat as I am with it. we keep saying we just need to come home and go running like we used to, and then we don’t drink, but it’s hard to change habits like those ones.
in any case, due to that, almost all my weight is in my stomach cause that's where alcohol overconsumption lands. so finding clothes right now is hard. bottoms that fit my butt and thighs won't fit my stomach. :( tops are another nightmare. my stomach protrudes visibly in just about everything, so I have to buy much larger tops than usual which make me feel worse. plus, I have boobs, yes, but they should be a D. a manageable, lighter, stay put when I'm in shape D's. instead, right now, I have DDD's that are getting to be really hard to carry around and they fall out of the bottoms and sides of my bras and bulge on the top. the bras my mom spent $50 each on back in may when I said "don't worry, they'll fit fine, and besides, I'll be losing weight soon." :(
I will say though, after shopping wednesday night and at least finding some things I can wear for now and over my holiday vacation has at least made me feel like a woman again. today, I am wearing new jeans, albeit a size I despise and never thought I'd wear again, a new sweater, new underwear and new shoes. I feel pretty for the first time in months and months.
ok. so here I go. steve will be "with me" on this, so as I do on all other blogs, I will speak in "we's" sometimes. I need a lot of strength and hope and encouragement in regards to not drinking. because that is going to help determine what happens with my weight. not to mention everything else in my life, since I am basically slowly killing myself with alcohol and cigarettes. I hope no one minds that I am coming to the table with that extra "baggage." :\
6 comments:
Hey Melissa. Thank you for sharing. A very brave first step dear. I feel honored to be a team mate and hope you will accept my encouragement as genuine caring. I too have similar issues and my fair share of baggage.
Let’s work it!
Hello my dear Melissa. You are going to need all the strength and support you can get, huh? **hugs** I know you can do this. Alcohol is empty calories, that's always one of the things they tell you to cut back on when you're trying to lose weight. Maybe you need to address the reasons behind why you drink. What does it give you that you're lacking? What feelings does is give you? - I mean that you can't get except from drinking. Can you think of anyother way to get those feelings?
*cries* I don't wanna give up my evening Captain and cokes!!!!
*throws fit on floor*
DAMMIT. You know what my problem is????? My baby weight went straight to may ass and thighs. I didn't gain anywhere else...like oh say...BOOBS. Now that I'm not breastfeeding, they are actually SMALLER than I started out with. Dammit. My belly is still all flabby from the stretched muscles. I finally bought a new pair of jeans, but because I have to buy them BIG to fit over my huge ass and thighs, they don't fit the waist so I have to wear a belt.
Meli...you have nothing to be ashamed of here! We are all in this together!!!!
I posted this down below by accident. I meant for it to be here:
Meli...this is what I think...don't think of it as wanting to lose 30..just think of it as 5 at a time or something...makes it more manageable. At least I think that way.
I went to the dr today and I did NOT like what happened when I stepped on that scale. :(
Pook, I'll join in as short fat chick ! I'm 5'2 and I weighed in at 183...OUCH. I've never been so heavy in my life. I was doing ok. but then I went and gained like 35 pounds...problem is...when I was 35 pounds lighter, I still wanted to lose like 40 pounds. Grrrrr. As with Melissa, I have a huge chest to shove some of the blame on to. As of now, I'm a 36E but I should be a 34DD. Yeah, I see a reduction in my future.
So, where's my invite to post on this blog? huh? huh? Where is it?
Oh also, as some of you know, in Sept of 02, I had spinal surgery for a herniated disk...well, I'm feeling discomfort on that front again...so yeah...the poundage has to go. And hell, I want to fit back into my clothes.
December 7, 2007 2:50 PM
Delete
Hi Melissa, good on you for opening up and telling your story. This is the start of something big! I'm so with you on the alcohol thing... not only is it full of empty calories, it also encourages you to sit around doing nothing... both when you're drinking it and most of the next day!
Glad to hear Steve's with you on this one (as all others!)... I'm with you all too, ladies!
Bonnie, I thought I sent you one. I'll resend.
Post a Comment